Fr. Mary

Father Mary fills 1 hour of Roland’s Saturdays starting at 8:00 am. I think he is really Murray (it is a common name here) or Mari (as this could be a man’s name) but everyone calls him Mary or at least that is how they pronounce his name. Fr. Mary is 92 years old. He was an Irish soldier at 20 and fought some war. He got his foot endured in battle so he was moved to a farm in Italy where he worked and they made cheese to be sent out to feed the soldiers. It was only at 32 when he found his calling to priesthood. He spent most of his masses at parishes in Australia. He is a Redemptorist priest. He also spent some of his years in Samoa before moving to New Zealand. The Mother of Perpetual Help parish in Glendowie is home to him and his other brothers in Christ. A younger priest takes care of the older priests. On Sundays, they hear the 8:00 am mass at the backside of the pulpit. There are about 6 of them of the same age and is not able to say mass anymore. They are sent via wheelchair to hear mass and brought back to their rooms after receiving communion. Fr. Mary stays in his bed all day. He has a television set in his room and during meal time, the younger priest wheels them to the dinner table where all the priest gather and eats together. They do not have family to visit them. In fact, the parishioners may not have even seen them. Fr Mary is very familiar with the Filipino culture as the Redemptorist have been very active setting us parishes in the Philippines. He knows a lot of Filipino priests and some few ’swear’ words that his friends have taught him. He takes his bath by himself but Roland needs to accompany him because one of the older priest slipped in the bathroom and died. Now, the house rule includes always having someone around when a priest (as old as Fr. Mary) does their bath. Oh yes, it is only on Saturday mornings that he does his shower. On other days, he is given a warm sponge bath by another caregiver.

Fr Mary can’t wait to be called up to heaven. When that day comes, he says he will be very happy to meet Peter at the gates. He can’t wait to be home.

Meet Anna

Anna is Roland’s 5pm. She lives in Epsom by herself and she is 95 years old. His grandson visits him daily, joins her for dinner and leaves. He says she is old enough to take care of herself. (grrrh) Indeed! As Anna would always say — “I am not old.” period.

The first day Roland came to her house. Her neighbors came to check on her. Making sure she was safe with this newbie. They watch each others back. Lovely, isn’t it?

Anyway, she is a fit and sane golden girl. She just needs help with the cleaning of her kitchen. She has a huge kitchen after all and you would think she was into parties during her prime. (It will remain a guess).

She fusses a lot about her kitchen. Bones should be wrapped in tissue paper and placed in plastic containers, kept in the refrigerator until it is time to throw the trash. This to keep the trash odorless. (amazing!)

Only 1 drop of liquid soap. One drop per washing. Manual washing is to be done to save on electricity. And she keeps track of her spending too. Smart woman.

You cannot fault her for being super critical. How can one not fall for her ‘Oh, I hope I did not hurt your feelings’ line everytime she starts to lecture.

Roland fits in cooking, cleaning and closing her home in one hour. Roland cooks her soup and making sure that the medicine is dropped in. She takes her prescriptions this way. While having her dinner with his grandson, Roland starts cleaning her oven and keeps a mental list of all her requests or rather demands.  And oh, even the clearing of the table has a set routine.

After dinner, the grandson leaves and Anna (or Nana) goes to her room and Roland completes the kitchen clean up, turns off all the lights and closes the house. The locks are through a series of number codes to close the doors. She is literally locked in her own home.

Another person comes in the morning to open up and clean the house for her. And what does Nana do all day? She watches the news. Walks in her garden, and talks to her friendly neighbors. She refuses to think of her age. She says she will out live her 28 year old grand son. She walks gracefully. She tells Roland that she was a dancer.

She choses topic to talk about but never about her life. The news, yes. The neighbors, yes. The weather, yes. The grand son and the girl friend she never met, yes. But never about how she lived her life.

Only a picture of her children sits by her bed side. Her house is very pretty (clean and in order) but stripped off of things that links to her. A photo album perhaps, photos of her husband perhaps or trinkets that tells a story of her — you will not find there.

Maybe that is the secret to her life. To never hold on to things and people. Or keep memories. (I will just have to pressume)

For what we know is only that she was a dancer and that the kitchen is her sanctuary.

And oh how she loves Roland’s bisaya soup. The version Roland made for her made her sweat. =)

Frank (and Crissy)

Frank is Roland’s 4pm. The couple live in Meadowbank near Mt. Carmel church. They have a lovely 2 story home and Frank spends long hours in his study slash garage downstairs while Crissy (his wife) does the grocery, cleaning up, cooking and moving about. Frank has alzheimers (or dementia). He only remembers summers he spends in his hometown 6 hours away from Auckland. He keeps on repeating memories with his mum by the sea, fishing with his brothers and takes very long hours in the toilet getting lost in his memories of youth. He loves watching ‘Who wants to be a millionaire.’ When he takes too much time in the loo, Roland would put the volume of the TV up so he can hear the ticking of the tv show’s timer for contestants to answer the questions. This always works. Frank immediately moves into the lounge to watch his favorite show. The couple have 2 children. One lives in Melbourne and the other in Wellington. They have been together by themselves for more than 20 years since the children have left home. Frank’s brother also has dementia and is taken cared of by the wife.

One day, Crissy have decided to put Frank in a home. A retirement home. It was heartbreaking for her. She called this – “the beginning of the end”.But she can’t take care of Frank no more. He has started to be stubborn like a 4 year old. He takes longer hours by himself as if in another world. She can’t leave the house knowing Frank will be all by himself. She tried so hard to be in his new world but she is a stranger.

It was heartbreaking. Roland was there when she told Frank he had to go to another home.

Frank loves history. He loves to listen to Lapulapu & Magellan’s story (Roland’s version). Never mind that Roland repeats the same story. He listens to it with excitement as if it was the first time he hears it each time.

On weekends, Roland picks up Crissy from their home and they drive together to the rest home which is a few blocks from his Meadowbank home. Crissy always brings food along and looks forward to feeding Frank.

 There are Filipina nurses in this facility. Frank has all their attention. He has introduced Roland to them as his son.

One hour filled with story telling, foot massages and feeding. Dinner time at the facility is at 5:00. Frank tells Crissy she has to leave. Some days, he does not recognize her. Some days, he says he misses his wife. But most days, it is summer at his beach home with his mum and brothers.

I have yet to meet Frank and Crissy. Their story comes alive at our dinner table. I’m sure if I meet Crissy, I would give her a tight hug. I heart her strenght and I am sure Frank had been a good man for her to care for him up to this day.

Dinner Conversations

Dinner is my little family’s “us” time. I grew up with everyone always assembled for dinner and so this tradition thrived. When Roland took on his second job, it required him to get home at 8:00 pm. We started dinner without him but it never felt complete and so it is, dinner at our house starts at 8:00 pm.

Each one tells a story. Basti starts with his random summary of the days’ tv news. Whales found along Mission Bay. Black Eyes Peas coming to Auckland… Bits and pieces that interest him and then trivia and knock knock jokes he picks up from school.

Insoy on the other hand is obsessed with music, bands, friends on his band (who is in, who is out), hot girls in school. And by an off chance, news of him passing a test or getting an award.

I, on the other hand, would just give them heads up on what the weekend would be like. I take up the role of the listener most of the time as I have never been good at saying it as it is (without my sister analyzing what I really meant. oh GOD! I miss that girl!)

Lucky for us, I married an animated storyteller of a husband. I suppose that is how he pulls off excitement into his caregiving job. Each night, we step vicariously into the lives of Kevin, Anna, Mary and Frank. He keeps us glued to our seats and begging for desert.

I will compile their stories and share them here. Up next…

Tap tap tap

I have been drinking a lot of water, eating vegetables and fruits only at night, and walking several blocks on my way home. On my 3rd week now, yet, my BP is still at 140/90 and the weight has not moved a bit.  My cholesterol level is twice the safe level.

I have decided!

Tap dancing it is. I will join a class and kick these nasty fats away

If I don’t loose weight. Heck! I might just enrol in a zumba class. SHIARO! SANTOS!

O M G

Oh EM Geee! BP at 160/90. So that explains why I am having this never ending mysterious killer migraines lately. Dr. Boon Simon Chong recommends exercise (not the leisurely dream like walks I have been taking on weekends) argggh but daily walks the kind that makes me sweat. 10 tall glasses of water daily, no more Coke for me. And most of all vegetables, low fat, less rice. Waaah, I feel like I’m crippled already. =)

Worst still is his request to limit my computer time to up to 8 hours only. I guess I have to fit in some non-work related PC time during work hours, aye? It looks like the kids prayer to get a Wii will come sooner. A louder O M G.

Good news though is that my eye sight is in good condition. It was a good thing I had an appointment with Dr Simon first before I booked to see an optometrist. Yehey!

My lab tests will be done 5 days from now. I hope I will be able to stick to the doctor’s advise. I suck at following orders. But if I want to out live Roland, I better take care of me health.

It’s pay back time. I will just have to remember this is not punishment but a road to better health, a sexier bod and to live long enough to enjoy retirement. =)

“turnips and eggplants, winged beans and peanuts
yard-long beans, hyacinth beans, lima beans

wax gourd, sponge gourd, bottle gourd, squash
and there’s more, radish, mustard
onions, tomatoes, garlic and ginger
the surrounding spaces filled with sesame” (english translation of the Bahay Kubo list of plants)  PA-ET!