The chanting worked. The migraine gone. Our passports arrived last night with our visas.
Visa dated January 29, 2008 and expires July 29, 2008. If I leave Cebu on the 8th of March, I lost 1 month of job seeking. Now I am on toxic mode. HUMHHH. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
My migraine attacks are triggered by lack of sleep, anxiety, work related stress, not eating on time and chocolate overload. My bitchiness attacks are triggered by migraines.
Anxiety over the return of our passports from Beijing is pure torment.
Now more than ever, I wish I had the power to trigger visa stamping through mind waves.
Hope this chanting works…
Bagbagto, baggagto tolambi
Talambawikan bawikan
Bawikalanay kalanay, kalapaingganay
Ambot sa kibot! I am going cuckoo.
I am such a daft with how this works but I believe this award needs to be passed on to Darlene. Yes you Dot. I am passing this award to you.
T and W have decided that I announce my own retirement. Wednesday, January 30. I wish I had Bill Gates’ video where he rapped, played the electric guitar and called Obama to be his running mate. It was a funny video. I love that this man can make fun of himself. I wish this speech will turn out to be fun… oh well, here goes…
Last year we had Mr. Ng talk to us about the debits and credits of life to start our new year right. Our meeting for today will be to continue on with the tradition of the new year messages. (albeit late). I am taking this opportunity to deliver this year’s message to everyone.
I read this story from Mao Tse Tungs speech. Ted Fang also used this story when the family bought the San Francisco Examiner. And just today, I learned that Mayor Tommy Osmeña created a video posted in you tube with very good graphics using this story.
The story is a Chinese fable of an Old Man and an Ugly Mountain. There was a foolish old man in the mountain. The town was on the other side of this mountain. He did his farming and everyday he would have to either take his products up and over this mountain, or walk all the way around the mountain to get to the other side. It would take an awful long time to do that. But there was no other choice because there was no other way to get to the town to sell his goods.
One day he wakes up and he takes a shovel and he starts digging at the foot of this mountain. All the other villagers gather around and say, ‘What are you doing, old man?’ ‘I’m going to move this mountain,’ the old man said. ‘I’m tired of having to walk around or walk over this mountain everyday to sell my goods.’
The village people pointed and laughed at him, and said, ‘You foolish old man. You can’t dig away that mountain by yourself. That mountain is bigger than you are. You’ll never be able to dig that mountain.’
The old man replied, ‘You may call me foolish. And I may not be able to move this mountain in my lifetime, but I’m going to keep digging here everyday, and when I die, my sons are going to keep digging, and when they die, their sons are going to keep digging. One day we will move this mountain.’
AccountMate Philippines started with a few mountains blocking the way. Each of us here today struggled with improving the business. Year by year, it gets better. Each of the efforts you put in, helped paved the way for others to continue on. Making the work fulfilling for each of us. Bug fixes after bug fixes, documentation after documentation, slowly improved the product to what it is now after 8 years in Cebu.
Today I pass on the clearing of the mountains and the vision of making the AccountMate product better than what it is today. Each of you have the perseverance and the vision to make this happen.
Today I am officially announcing my retirement.
I challenge you to continue on. To continue to believe in yourself and that no mountain can stop anyone in AccountMate Philippines to be the best at whatever they do. We have the best technical writers, we have the meanest QA, we have the most hard working programmers and most of all we have the most caring email tech supporters.
But I do want to tell you how much I have appreciated some of the things that make this company so special – not just the business side, but the fun and laughter we have had – to say nothing of the long nights labouring away at last minute builds and packages.
I am leaving but I will be watching your progress with interest. I am certain you will all go on to achieve far better things than I did. If my legacy to you was time spent doing development training, your legacy to me is one of comradeship, faith in teamwork and an abiding passion for yellow cab pizza.
You will surely ask, where I will be going? I will be moving to New Zealand. And my first job will be training sheeps to walk around a mountain. After that I will start shoveling. =)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Feel free to air out your questions.
(I pray I will not cry.)
He sang his favorite — My Chemical Romance’s Welcome to the Black Parade. He is 9 years old. He wants to be rock star. He joined this talent/singing contest so the girls will think he is “cool”. He placed 5th place among 5 contestants. (my sister tells me one judge voted him for 3rd place). He got 150 pesos as consolation prize and that made him very happy. He was the youngest performer and the only male singer. He wants to join next year.
I sat holding my breathe hearing the nervous beat of his heart. I knew he was scared but he closed his eyes and imagined he was auditioning for the American Idol. Nothing puts him down. I don’t know how he can be such a strong person in facing the challenges in life (his fighting spirit is something I could learn from). I am just so proud of him.
(and yes, nagkurog pud si R when he took this picture)
The wedding started at 4:30 am. (super early) The bride wore a light yellow gown with no frills with a crown of yellow and orange daisies. The principal sponsors were in different shades of sunset colors (even dark blue with blue butterflies as bling – imeldific kaayo). Instead of wedding favors for the guests, the couple gave a donation to the OAD missionaries and the mother of the bride matched the amount. The reception was at Chateu d Busay’s garden with breakfast of danggit, eggs, bacon, sinanggag and bread. Instead of table hopping for picture taking, the guests at each table were asked to stand up and take a picture with the couple at the couples’ arch. They only had close family and friends for guests. The clouds and the sun hidden behind the clouds was a perfect background to the love felt all around. For the toast, they filled our glasses with cranberry juice instead of wine. The programme was short – none of the bouquet toss and garter toss problems on most weddings. The hosts took on the task of accepting the bouquet and garter.
It was a non comformist wedding and it just spelled perfect for me.
I swear this was THE Best Wedding I have ever been to. I couldn’t understand why they picked a 4:30 mass (at the back of mind it was just asking too much of their friends). But everyone loved B and M to support this wonderful beginning. I now agree that sunrises makes for a perfect wedding schedule. When the parents of the bride and groom started to give their speeches and songs, everyone couldn’t stop their tears from falling (even his atenean and fencing hunk buddies were teary eyed). It was just a picture of an emotional moment that one only see in movies. The heavens blessed them with a light drizzle. Amazingly everyone stayed put and enjoyed the little bits of rain up to the end of this most beautiful occasion.
I am glad I fought sleepiness because I just walked into this wonderful dream wedding. B and M, congratulations!
My bosses T and W have not yet announced my resignation. The silence makes it difficult for me to act normal in the office. I am not too good an actress when it comes to hiding this big decision. I sometimes wish my officemates could read minds so I could stop feeling uncomfortable being in a group not blurting out the news (and worst, I now have this paranoia that people being extra nice to me these days knows i am leaving, its insane). I could not help it any longer and needed a fall guy – someone to share my paranoia. I told our janitor of my leaving and swore I would kill him if any word came out before T and W announces. Poor S, I pity him, but I just had to vent it out to someone who I think will be able to keep mum while fearing for his life.
I started to clear up my desk cabinet of files I have kept for ages. For years, I have moved from desk to desk, office to office and I have kept these files on my cabinet everywhere I went. It was only yesterday that I got to peak inside the folders that I have been keeping for so long. (disguised as being clutterfree for 2008).
The process was more of putting trash away. I realized that I kept rubbish for so long. I kept files in folders of projects that have long died. If I did the cleanup last year, I could have saved myself all the trouble I am going through right now. Some files were just printed out emails of heated exchanges between me and T or W. (I kept them for proof that if I committed suicide, they could be hard evidence). They were the first that went to the shredder.
I did find some training materials that still prove to be useful to this day so I kept them in a separate box ready to be given to my favorite people in the office. It sucks keeping a secret this way.
Yet, at the end of the day, I still could not burn or leave behind some documentation that I wrote and printed. I know I kept them in my computer (but I don’t want to bother and search) and the paper was pinching at my heart to be kept.
I went home yesterday with 2 brown envelops of papers (filled to tearing point) that I just can’t throw away. I will bring them with me if only to remind myself that I once wrote those emails. When I feel lonely, they will surely heal. I giggled at the emails I sent some dorks at the office and I kept the cards and pictures of people who I have met at work (who’s friendship meant something). Some pictures had to go, those that I didn’t want to be reminded of. =)
I have only done one fourth of the pile. There are still three fourth of the rubbish that I need to find time to purge. It is de-stressing and it is a good way to know which files matter most. Now, there is room for new files, new emails, new projects, new friends. I still wish I had done this cleaning up last year. =)
I suck at keeping secrets and throwing rubbish.
During our Christmas Party, the theme was fantasy. We picked the X-Men. They picked me to be the black queen (contra sa x-men). In all the Ng Khai parties, never did we win 1st prize everytime I am part of the presentation but we always stayed at top 3 though. In 2007, our company didn’t only get 1st prize but i got nominated for best in costume. Hmm, I am in character as the black queen. =)
This entry will be a note to myself just so myself knows that it is going to be okay.
Warning: This entry will be long.
I believe that I do have a good life. Facts: I live in a good subdivision with a swimming pool, tennis court and clubhouse facility. We own a car (given by my company), we are not paying rent and I have extra moolah to do shopping for myself. I occasionally loan tuition fees for the kids from my mom but I do pay her on time (defensive ba?). My husband’s relatives think we are rich. The term rich should be best interpreted as I am hard working. I worked for 15 years in a company where I started as a junior programmer and then I worked my way up to VP-Development. Hell, it was not easy but looking back through all those years, I still think I am lucky. I am not proud to admit that I am the breadwinner because I still think that I am just lucky than R. Oh, and I pray a lot. And true, I dance the Sinulog every year too on the streets of Sto Nino Village. (unfortunately, they don’t have one this year)
Cebu is home and is where my family and comfort zone is. My friend T applied for NZ and she wanted me to try it too. Sunodsunuron(follow the leader) man ko, so I blindly followed. I followed to support my friend but I never wanted it to happen for myself (because I was fine or so I thought, read on). Our application was lodged in 2005 and we were automatically selected from the pool. NZ rules changed and our application was left there until Dec 2006. The challenge of the long wait, challenged me to pursue it instead. It was a challenge that my friend and I wanted to accomplish. I went to the Carmellites convent and signed a petition. And no I did not bring eggs. Went to the Pink Sisters too. By some stroke of luck and fervent prayers, our application was resurrected and we were invited to do the 2nd step. The 3rd step came on December 21, 2007 and the 4th step on January 3, 2008. I am now on the 5th step and final step before I get to drag my feet on a plane to NZ.
A brother in the US and a sister going to the US soon, logically my parents wanted me to go to the US having worked for a US based company for close to 8 years. 3 times I was offered an H1 visa by the company but I repeatedly said NO. No because I didn’t want to leave Cebu. No because I could not imagine myself keeping house on weekends (i don’t even know how to cook or iron). No because I had my comfort zone here. I didn’t want to start all over. I wanted to grow with Cebu. In fact, I wrote a blog about it at Multiply.
But why now? Why NZ? The same question that my Dad asked me. I answered: I love mountains, and peace and quiet. He answered: You have the wrong profession. (He knows that I was lying)
My dad is right. I don’t know the answers myself. Do I really want the peace and quiet (insist on my shyness and anti-social tendencies). Or am I only challenging myself and be my retarded self, insisting that US is too easy and NZ is more challenging. Or face up to the truth that my work has come to a frigid state. No more excitement for me. No more toxic days that was self imposed against frantic deadlines wanting to stay up late and finish a project. At almost 42, I don’t have the answers that Bill Gates do (and that is to leave Microsoft and devote time to his charity/foundation). I don’t know what I am looking for but I am sure that I am not happy with my job anymore. An opportunity to find gold in Bohol would be something I would do just to get out of this office. For several months now, I have been busy reading blogs, finding answers and most of all keeping myself busy just so I don’t have to delve on finding the answers to this “dry” state.
My dad says what is important is finding a job that makes you happy. He said he worked for Coke his whole life. Never did he think of leaving or thought of boring or having exciting days at work. Maybe this is just a phase. What if it is not? My mom and my boss have been convincing me that this is a good move. My friends are cheering me on.
I have tendered my resignation from work last January 8. My 10 year multiple entry US visa expires on the same day. My US boss’ wife finally gave birth to their first born son on the same day. It seems the universe is helping to put the plans into place. (pakapin nalang na ang nanganak akong boss, or so I think he will be in a good mood to know I am leaving).
I am trying best to be strong — convincing my heart and mind that NZ will be a new challenge. I will start from zero. No work and with just enough funds to survive 3 months. Exciting or scary?
I have been putting up a strong front to my family. Telling them this is what I want. The kids are convincing themselves that NZ will be a good place. I don’t want to fail them. My parents are trusting that this is what I want. I don’t want to fail them. But most of all I don’t want to fail me. I want this to work. This plan started because of selfish motives but I want this to be right for everyone. My sister says, if God leads you to it, He will help you through it. My friend T is still in step 3. I pray for her too and at the back of my mind, I want her to succeed too.
Yes, Chichi, Maria Consuelo, Teloy, Konsuy, Charmed One. It will be okay. Just keep the faith. Believe in yourself. It is okay to start all over. Prayers will be answered. Carpe Diem.
ps. writing this blog and letting it all out is liberating. i now know the feeling. whew. yipee. therapy.
